Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Rabbi

When things get hard, or more accurately tragedy strikes, I tend to want to scream at God "Why did you let this happen...How dare you... what kind of God are you..etc..." Today i am reminded that I mess up everyday, minute by minute, unintentionally and intentionally, but God loves me all the same. Sometimes I want to say "God you should have done this differently!" Like when I hear that a young pregnant girl and her baby are killed in a car accident,or today when i heard that a Child murderer died of natural causes, and a 16 year old boy who is friends with someone at my church has died. I want to say “um excuse me… *tap tap* What were you THINKING!”
But I know for myself that if I were God, if I had the ENORMOUS responsibility to keep the world going ‘round that I would suck at it! Epic Fail! But I also think about what I really want in the times I want to scream at God, and I think this story describes it best!
"One day a rabbi stood on a hill overlooking a certain city. The rabbi watched in horror as a band of Cossacks on horseback suddenly attacked the town, killing innocent men, women and children. Some of the slaughtered were his own disciples. Looking up to heaven the rabbi exclaimed: “Oh, only if I were God.” An astonished student, standing nearby, asked, “but, Master if you were God, what would you do differently?” The rabbi replied: “If I were God I would do nothing differently. If I were God I would understand.” - Joanna Laufer and Kenneth S. Lewis in Inspired

Sunday, September 20, 2009

God open our ears, and shut our mouths!!!!

"There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves."
— Albert Guinon

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
— Winston Churchill

*When I say “we” in this blog, I am also including myself, I am just as guilty as everyone else*

I have been struggling with this lately. I feel like everyone is so focused on saying the “right thing” or the thing that we think the person who is speaking “wants to hear.”

I don’t know if I feel conviction or just anger. When did we become so lazy, that we cannot simply be still and silent and listen to someone who is trying to share their problems?

This week I have had this overwhelming feeling of discontentment, as well as hurt and shame.

When did we become so lazy as to be so focused on our own lives that we cannot reach out to those who are hurting? We say we are too busy, too tired, or that we will do it later, or people are too much work/ to high maintenance. The truth is (whether we want to admit it or not) we are too lazy. Most of the time we don’t take the time to listen in the first place, nor do we take the time to follow up.

God this week open my ears and shut my mouth. Make me a listener and a friend. Give me a heart of Compassion and Love. Help me to be more authentic and honest. Make me a lover!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Hmmm.....

most honesty gives birth to negativity" been chewing on this today. Do we over use the concept of openness and honesty? By saying we are just being honest, are we giving ourselves permission to be negative?

Monday, September 14, 2009

I love pomegranates

They are my favorite fruit. But the thing about pomegranates is that
They carry a multitude of disadvantages to the person eating them.
Pomegranates are MESSY! The pomegranate juice will permanently stain
Your clothes, your fingers usually remain dyed for a few days, and the
Process of removing the tiny seeds of fruit can be tedious. It usually
Involves 2 bowls, a sharp steak knife, a dishtowel, and a trash can.
Only after you have done A LOT of work do you get to enjoy it.

But this makes me think of my growth spiritually. It is Messy! And it
Takes a lot of work. Your hands get dirty, and like the stains, your
Life is forever changed.

This week I’ve learned that this journey is going to messy and hard.
Your feelings are going to get hurt. You’re going to have to put
Yourself in vulnerable places, you will have to eat crow, meet with
People who you don’t get along with easily or who hurt your feelings and do your best to treat
Others as yourself.

This week is hard for me, this season is hard, but I am going to do my best. This week I’m committed to being open and honest. I’m committed over all to having a better attitude.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Are we asking the right questions?

I have been saved many a time by people asking not "How are you?" but by asking "Are you Happy." People may not think so, but simple conversations matter.

I had a convo with mike today that I've needed to have for awhile now. I feel extremely discontent with school, and I don't know how to explain it other than the fact that I LOVE school, but this semester I feel extreme discomfort, and really don't feel like I am called nor want to be there. I was telling mike that I feel like I need to have a "back up plan" I don't feel like i have a "Direction" in my life, and I've never felt like I've had a professional calling in life. I want to be a wife and mom and just be there as a friend to people and encourage them. I feel like this "back up plan" is sinful, its like saying to God my way is beeter. But how do I know that school isn't God's plan? I'm not paying for it, so I don't know that this isn't God's provision?

I feel like there is/will be a stigma about not being college educated, yet there is so much I want to do, or feel like I could do, that God is calling me to, if I weren't in school. and Maybe it just has to do with the "fear" of what others think (and talking about this with my advisors at school)

James 1:5-6 - If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. - I believe that God will give me the answers, and I trust him, I just need some guidance.

I need guidance and wisdom and to surround myself with Godly people, and any practical advice I could get would be appreciated. :]

I want to honor God, and I don't want it to be all about me. I don't want to be a "I" person. I want to lift others up.

God, I want to honor you and I trust in you. God help me not to get caught up in pleasing you, rather than trusting you.