Monday, October 13, 2008

PRAY HARD

I Got accepted for the TOMS shoe drop in Orlando! Pray hard the I can collect the funds. I need $315 if I want to stay at the Hotel (which I Do) or $140 if I commute. Right now, it looks like I will be commuting, but if I do the Shoe drop, I can't go to  Cocoa and see my loves! I want to do both so badly! Pray like crazy!
if you have any questions, email me! Charlseymarie@gmail.com

Friday, October 10, 2008

Day 14: God is good.

So its 1:15 in the morning, and I am stoked. these last two days have been awesome. Pray for me, I just applied for the TOMS Orlando Shoe Drop!! I love doing volunteer work,
and I hope that this experience would be as amazing as my TWLOHA experience.
Pray HARD!

If you don't know a lot about TOMS, They are AMAZING!!
check out they're Website. http://www.tomsshoes.com/


Blogging will be late

Decorating for a baby shower.... oh joy. Will blog later. Good news is I'm going to see my Love and Justin! I miss pillow Talk with Sue and Hugs From Justin. I can't wait for next week!!!!!!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Day 13:Spite and Hatred are bitter pills to swallow.

He who plants a tree, plants a hope.


Its been a rough week, I’m glad tomorrow is Friday. The sign that the week is over, and I get to start again.

I was confronted with the thing I fear most yesterday. I’m glad that I saw him from a distance, and it wasn’t confrontational, nor do I think he actually SAW me. I’m also proud of myself that I didn’t freak out.

I was talking to my mom today, and she said a lot of hard things. I think that’s what it takes sometimes, someone who loves you, smacking you over the head, and saying “You shouldn’t think that way…. You need to fix this…”
So told me a lot of good things, She told me that I need to change my perception of Beauty. And its true, if I don’t love me, then I can’t expect anyone else to love me. As much as it might hurt, I have to learn to trust again.


I did some studying this morning, and looked up Spite and Hatred, I found some pretty profound stuff. The Definition of Spite is “Ill will or hatred toward another accompanied with the disposition to irritate or annoy.”


“The minute you begin hating someone, you become his slave. Hatred holds you captive and robs you of peace of mind, and your time is spent recounting unpleasant situations. Your enemy consumes your every waking moment, and hatred holds your mind hostage.”
I have slowly been realizing how my hatred and spite is eating me alive. I read this comment, and wondered, “how did they get in my mind??”
I also found out that there was a Surgeon, John Hunter, who got so angry, that he had a heart attack and died!

I have been thinking about a story Doug told at Roots. From the Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis. Doug told us about the boy names Eustace in the story.


“Eustace is the cousin of Edmund and Lucy, who go to live with him for a while. Eustace is a jerk. He's the only child of a rich mother and father and is used to getting everything he wants. He cares for no one but himself.
Through a series of events, the children find themselves in Narnia once again and on a voyage to the end of the world. They are in a huge galleon with the king of Narnia and are travelling into uncharted territories in search of missing noblemen. On one particular island, the crew of the Dawn Treader are exploring in search of supplies to repair their ship, which was unfortunately attacked by a giant sea
monster.
Eustace, being the jerk that he is, wanders off on his own, not wanting to do any work. He walks around in the jungle, mumbling and grumbling horrible things about his cousins, the king, and other various crew members. Before long he stumbles upon the edge of a small cliff and sees a small pond nearby. There is also a small cave, and a terrible dragon is making it's way outside towards the water. Eustace is terrified. He stays perfectly still and watches the dragon die a horrible death.Eustace, still scared stiff, doesn't move for quite a while. He finally works up the nerve to descend the small cliff and make his way to the pool and cave. He enters the cave and is surprised to be met by more gold then he could ever imagine! He celebrates his new found wealth and ends up falling asleep on one of the piles of gold.
Without getting into the next scene, which is pretty suspensful, Eustace wakes up to discover he has turned into a dragon!Eustace spends some time upset and angry and terrified at his new fate. He makes his way back to the camp only to be met with fear from his shipmates. As time goes on, Eustace realizes that he was turned into what he already was. He was a beast on the inside and the magic of the island made him a beast on the outside. He learns from the error of his mistakes and the crew begins to see a change in his character. He is helping gather supplies and does more then his share in repairing the ship.Then the night comes where he meets Aslan.
He is wandering through the jungle and comes upon the pool once more. Standing near the pool is the mighty lion, Aslan, who represents Christt in the series. He tells Eustace to shed his skin. So Eustace does. He takes his massive claws and digs into his scales and peels off a layer of skin. Proud of himself, he looks to Aslan. Aslan looks back and says, "That is not enough. You must dig deeper."So Eustace digs deeper. He digs till it hurts. And yet still Aslan says, "No. You must dig deeper."
He digs. Not enough. He digs deeper. Still not enough. Eustace can no longer take the pain. And yet still it is not deep enough.
Finally Aslan looks at him, love in his eyes, and tells him, "I will do it." His huge, imposing claws dig deeper than Eustace could ever possibly do or even imagine. He strips Eustace to the core. To the bone. Aslan then asks him to bathe himself in the pool. He submerges into the water and resurfaces as a human once again.”
[1]


Hatred will turn you into someone you don’t want to be, and I am working on shedding this skin of spite and hatred.


Thanks for helping bring me through.


[1] http://exwindchaser.blogspot.com/2007/10/eustace.html

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Day 12: My New Love.


So I got a new Doggie today, his name is Jack.


We think he was abandoned, or being starved by his previous owners. He is missing at the moment, he is (hopefully out roaming the neighborhood, and I will search for him in the morning. He is so sweet, and I hope to bring him inside soon!!

Today has been a good day, lol I was telling my mom, I spent about $100 on counseling sessions that hadn't been working that well, and got more help from her in a 20 minute conversation. I am learning a lot about honesty, and how much we should value our families. Parents and adults are so much smarter than we think.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Day 11: You Gotta Swim. Swim when it Hurts.


The weather seems to fit my mood today.

 

 Its been rainy, dreary and Dark. Just one of those blah days.

This is not version one of today’s blog, the first one was a mess, and was filled with a lot of hurting, this one, not so much.

I am having a very hard time being home from Cocoa, and have been really depressed for the past week.

I sent a text to Hannah earlier, and asked her (paraphrasing) “Am I a bad person if I have the overwhelming urge to rid myself of all things that remind me of them?”

I am thankful for friends like Hannah, who understand and don’t judge, but in their own little ways show me Christ. Saying, “Its okay to feel hurt, I know you and I love you anyways.

Hannah just text me something I will never forget.

I told her she is too good to me.

Hannah in all of her loveliness, wrote me back these words.

“No, I treat you how you deserve to be treated.”

She gives me hope, that there are still people out there who care for the broken hearted.

I am constantly reminded that there is so much to fight for, I’m glad for these reminders, and to someone, some where, I hope I am a reminder.

“You gotta swim, Swim when it hurts .The whole world is watching You haven't come this far To fall off the earth…. I swim to brighter days, despite the absence of sun… You gotta swim, Swim in the dark… Just keep your head above.”

Monday, October 6, 2008

Day 10: Its deep and its Dark, and sometimes broken. Part. 1

I went and saw The Dark Knight (again) with my mom, sister, and Aunt. I love the movie, in many different ways. It has some of my favorite actors in it, and it reminds me to be true to myself, and not get lost in “The Act” When I say “The Act” I’m talking about how sometimes we get caught up in who we are trying to be, that we forget who we are, or who we ever were. 

I wonder sometimes, how much is too much to share on here, or to share with people.

I want to use my better judgment, but I also feel like I need to share.

Life it seems, gets hard, and then it gets harder.

I try to keep a quote from The Dark Knight in my mind at all times.

The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.


Happy moment of the day, is that my TOMS Documentary in the mail!!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Day 9: Play, Laugh, Grow.

Just got back from Kevin’s Surprise Birthday party, and it was a lot of fun. I haven’t been to a party in forever so it was fun getting to hang out and get to know people from Roots better.

This Balloon is Amazing!

We were decorating, and Mary mixed her breath and helium together, and it was AMAZING. It was like a zero gravity balloon! I wish I could have taken a video of it, it was beyond words!

I am so excited to get to know the people from Roots better. It’s been so long since I’ve had REAL friends and people I could trust and talk to. It takes a lot of work, and It’s nerve racking, but also a lot of fun.

I also wanted to say a big thanks to Maddy for texting with me last night. I needed you and you were there for me. Thanks my Love! Leaving and the reasons going to Cocoa and coming back and the feelings and hurts there has been really hard, but that’s another Blog. Thanks for being there for me!

Going to Visit my Aunt Tomorrow! Yay!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Day 8: Daddy here I am again, would you take me back tonight.

I love Fairy Lights.

They remind me of lighthouses, how they guide people home, when they are lost in darkness. I like to think about the Prodigal son in the bible. I imagine the story in a bible times/Laura Ingalls Wilder type setting. I Imagine that after his son left, the father would wait up later than normal each night, waiting and watching for his sons return. Then when he went to bed each night, he would light a lamp and stick it in the window, to shine a light to show his son the way home. I think of how God does this for us, making sure we can find our way home, when we are lost and in darkness.

At church tonight, they sang a song called “Gratitude”

I love the lyrics to this song, and each time I hear it, it humbles me. As children we are taught that God will provide, and then (I feel) we continue to try and rely on ourselves, and then get angry with God because he hasn’t given us what we want. I try to constantly remind myself that it is GOD’S plan, not Mine that is best. God only has three answers. Yes, No, and Not yet.

That is why these lyrics speak into my heart.

“Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways

God will provide, maybe not in the way we want, but he WILL provide us with the things we need.

I have to go make cake now… I already have a subject for tomorrow… now to find the perfect picture!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Day 7: Let the Good times roll.

So its Friday, This means that its my weekly “hangout with the G-rents” day.
I love my grandparents house. They have this couch, it is THE Couch. They have had it for YEARS and it is my favorite place to sleep, so comfy, and smells like them.
Tonight has been a lot of fun. It has made me realize, that even if you think you “Know” someone, there are so many things to discover about other people.
My Paw Paw has been my Grandfather for 19 years, and I learned so many new things about him tonight. 1)He was in the ARMY. And 2) He Smoked a pipe when he was young!
My Neenee has been my Grandma for almost 16 Years. Tonight was the first night that I had ever seen a picture of her when she was a child and young adult. She had 12 Brothers and sisters! Looking at her picture’s from when she was a teen, let me tell ya, She is a Fox!I NEVER knew those things! About either one of my grandparents.



I think it amazing how many new things you can learn about people.
So I figured what the heck! What are some little known facts about you? Comment me! They can be funny or serious, or just plain old dorky.
Here two of mine:
1) I refuse to eat popcorn out of the microwave bag. I hate how it feels…Eww!

2) I have a love/hate relationship with Libraries. I currently have no library card… and neither does anyone else in my family, because of my library fines.

P.S. I SWEAR my Grandpa looks like Elvis!!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Day 6: We have so much to learn from the poor.

Today has been an all around amazing day. 
My doggie actually posed for a picture,

 which she NEVER does!

 I went to the Culinary Academy today. WOW, thats really all I can say, it is amazing there. I am scheduled to start in January '09. Its amazing the things they can teach you to create, and the places you can take it. 
Then, when I got home, I check my email, and I had an email from Caitlin, the Social Media Manager, from TOMS! I was and am seriously pumped. It reaffirms my statement that they are amazing people.
But even with all that, the  highlight of my day, was helping someone else. As simple as getting this man a meal, made him like everyone else, if only for a little while. I'll admit, I left TWLOHA because I felt like I was being called to help the homeless. Today I feel like I cam a little bit closer to that goal. For some reason, Homeless people scare me, but once I get to know them (like Mike and Paul) I'm fine. I was really afraid for the man today, he was sitting, actually sitting on the curb on Hwy 27. so we brought him some food, and it brought me to tears how thankful he was. I think he was in shock at first, and just said thank you and God bless over and over again. I can't imagine how he was feeling, or how hungry he was, he sat back down on the curb with a big smile in his face as we drove away. It hurts my heart that the "solution" that our towns have come up with, is to run the homeless out, not assist them. I am reminded of Brandt Russo and his arrest for not having "permission" to witness and live among them. What has our country been reduced to? I love Mother Teresa's story, and her words. 

"Look in the faces of the poor in the bustees, in the slums and you will see them smiling. They may have no food in their swollen bellies, no roof over their head, but whatever they have they will share with others who are poor like themselves. They are not alone because they have each other. We have so much to learn from the poor." 

 The next time we see someone who is homeless, lets not jump to conclusions, Lets not say, "they are only going to buy drugs or alcohol." Give them the benefit of the doubt, or go buy them a meal, or even better give them Mcdonalds Dollars. Personally, I am not a believer in seeing someone who is homeless, and (having $$ on me) refuse to give it to them/buy them a meal, but say hey it will get better, lets say a little prayer (Don't get me wrong, I believe in prayer. and if you don't have any $$ on you, this is a HUGE thing to do) and then say peace out! "and one of you tells them, "Go in peace! Stay warm and eat heartily." If you do not provide for their bodily needs, what good does it do?" - James 2:16 

May we all have the compassion of Christ.
 
"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." - George Washington Carver.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Day 5: Happy Anniversary to Me! - Tom Ta Tom Tom Toms!


Today marks the 11th year that I have lived in Florida. Coincidently, I got my Toms in the mail today. 

Its like an anniversary present to myself!

TOMS is a really cool idea, and also really simple. The shoes, are taken from the favored footwear of Argentine peasants. 
 For every pair of shoes that they sell, they also give a pair away to a child somewhere in the world that doesn't have shoes.

I invite you to check out this interveiw with creator, Blake Mycoskie.
 also check out TOMS Website.  

So here is to living here for 11 years, and cool shoes that make a difference, for someone other than just myself!!