PRAY HARD

I Got accepted for the TOMS shoe drop in Orlando! Pray hard the I can collect the funds. I need $315 if I want to stay at the Hotel (which I Do) or $140 if I commute. Right now, it looks like I will be commuting, but if I do the Shoe drop, I can't go to  Cocoa and see my loves! I want to do both so badly! Pray like crazy!

if you have any questions, email me! Charlseymarie@gmail.com

Day 14: God is good.

So its 1:15 in the morning, and I am stoked. these last two days have been awesome. Pray for me, I just applied for the TOMS Orlando Shoe Drop!! I love doing volunteer work,

and I hope that this experience would be as amazing as my TWLOHA experience.

Pray HARD!

If you don't know a lot about TOMS, They are AMAZING!!

check out they're Website. http://www.tomsshoes.com/

Also, check out my Day 5 Blog about TOMS http://vivalavida-longlivelife.blogspot.com/2008/10/day-5-happy-anniversary-to-me-tom-ta.html

Blogging will be late

Decorating for a baby shower.... oh joy. Will blog later. Good news is I'm going to see my Love and Justin! I miss pillow Talk with Sue and Hugs From Justin. I can't wait for next week!!!!!!

Day 13:Spite and Hatred are bitter pills to swallow.

He who plants a tree, plants a hope.

Its been a rough week, I’m glad tomorrow is Friday. The sign that the week is over, and I get to start again.

I was confronted with the thing I fear most yesterday. I’m glad that I saw him from a distance, and it wasn’t confrontational, nor do I think he actually SAW me. I’m also proud of myself that I didn’t freak out.

I was talking to my mom today, and she said a lot of hard things. I think that’s what it takes sometimes, someone who loves you, smacking you over the head, and saying “You shouldn’t think that way…. You need to fix this…”
So told me a lot of good things, She told me that I need to change my perception of Beauty. And its true, if I don’t love me, then I can’t expect anyone else to love me. As much as it might hurt, I have to learn to trust again.

I did some studying this morning, and looked up Spite and Hatred, I found some pretty profound stuff. The Definition of Spite is “Ill will or hatred toward another accompanied with the disposition to irritate or annoy.”

“The minute you begin hating someone, you become his slave. Hatred holds you captive and robs you of peace of mind, and your time is spent recounting unpleasant situations. Your enemy consumes your every waking moment, and hatred holds your mind hostage.”

I have slowly been realizing how my hatred and spite is eating me alive. I read this comment, and wondered, “how did they get in my mind??”

I also found out that there was a Surgeon, John Hunter, who got so angry, that he had a heart attack and died!

I have been thinking about a story Doug told at Roots. From the Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis. Doug told us about the boy names Eustace in the story.

“Eustace is the cousin of Edmund and Lucy, who go to live with him for a while. Eustace is a jerk. He's the only child of a rich mother and father and is used to getting everything he wants. He cares for no one but himself.
Through a series of events, the children find themselves in Narnia once again and on a voyage to the end of the world. They are in a huge galleon with the king of Narnia and are travelling into uncharted territories in search of missing noblemen. On one particular island, the crew of the Dawn Treader are exploring in search of supplies to repair their ship, which was unfortunately attacked by a giant sea monster.
Eustace, being the jerk that he is, wanders off on his own, not wanting to do any work. He walks around in the jungle, mumbling and grumbling horrible things about his cousins, the king, and other various crew members. Before long he stumbles upon the edge of a small cliff and sees a small pond nearby. There is also a small cave, and a terrible dragon is making it's way outside towards the water. Eustace is terrified. He stays perfectly still and watches the dragon die a horrible death.Eustace, still scared stiff, doesn't move for quite a while. He finally works up the nerve to descend the small cliff and make his way to the pool and cave. He enters the cave and is surprised to be met by more gold then he could ever imagine! He celebrates his new found wealth and ends up falling asleep on one of the piles of gold.
Without getting into the next scene, which is pretty suspensful, Eustace wakes up to discover he has turned into a dragon!Eustace spends some time upset and angry and terrified at his new fate. He makes his way back to the camp only to be met with fear from his shipmates. As time goes on, Eustace realizes that he was turned into what he already was. He was a beast on the inside and the magic of the island made him a beast on the outside. He learns from the error of his mistakes and the crew begins to see a change in his character. He is helping gather supplies and does more then his share in repairing the ship.Then the night comes where he meets Aslan.
He is wandering through the jungle and comes upon the pool once more. Standing near the pool is the mighty lion, Aslan, who represents Christt in the series. He tells Eustace to shed his skin. So Eustace does. He takes his massive claws and digs into his scales and peels off a layer of skin. Proud of himself, he looks to Aslan. Aslan looks back and says, "That is not enough. You must dig deeper."So Eustace digs deeper. He digs till it hurts. And yet still Aslan says, "No. You must dig deeper."
He digs. Not enough. He digs deeper. Still not enough. Eustace can no longer take the pain. And yet still it is not deep enough.
Finally Aslan looks at him, love in his eyes, and tells him, "I will do it." His huge, imposing claws dig deeper than Eustace could ever possibly do or even imagine. He strips Eustace to the core. To the bone. Aslan then asks him to bathe himself in the pool. He submerges into the water and resurfaces as a human once again.”[1]

Hatred will turn you into someone you don’t want to be, and I am working on shedding this skin of spite and hatred.

Thanks for helping bring me through.


[1] http://exwindchaser.blogspot.com/2007/10/eustace.html

Day 12: My New Love.

So I got a new Doggie today, his name is Jack.

We think he was abandoned, or being starved by his previous owners. He is missing at the moment, he is (hopefully out roaming the neighborhood, and I will search for him in the morning. He is so sweet, and I hope to bring him inside soon!!

Today has been a good day, lol I was telling my mom, I spent about $100 on counseling sessions that hadn't been working that well, and got more help from her in a 20 minute conversation. I am learning a lot about honesty, and how much we should value our families. Parents and adults are so much smarter than we think.

Day 11: You Gotta Swim. Swim when it Hurts.

The weather seems to fit my mood today.

 

 Its been rainy, dreary and Dark. Just one of those blah days.

This is not version one of today’s blog, the first one was a mess, and was filled with a lot of hurting, this one, not so much.

I am having a very hard time being home from Cocoa, and have been really depressed for the past week.

I sent a text to Hannah earlier, and asked her (paraphrasing) “Am I a bad person if I have the overwhelming urge to rid myself of all things that remind me of them?”

I am thankful for friends like Hannah, who understand and don’t judge, but in their own little ways show me Christ. Saying, “Its okay to feel hurt, I know you and I love you anyways.”

Hannah just text me something I will never forget.

I told her she is too good to me.

Hannah in all of her loveliness, wrote me back these words.

“No, I treat you how you deserve to be treated.”

She gives me hope, that there are still people out there who care for the broken hearted.

I am constantly reminded that there is so much to fight for, I’m glad for these reminders, and to someone, some where, I hope I am a reminder.

“You gotta swim, Swim when it hurts .The whole world is watching You haven't come this far To fall off the earth…. I swim to brighter days, despite the absence of sun… You gotta swim, Swim in the dark… Just keep your head above.”

Day 10: Its deep and its Dark, and sometimes broken. Part. 1

I went and saw The Dark Knight (again) with my mom, sister, and Aunt. I love the movie, in many different ways. It has some of my favorite actors in it, and it reminds me to be true to myself, and not get lost in “The Act” When I say “The Act” I’m talking about how sometimes we get caught up in who we are trying to be, that we forget who we are, or who we ever were. 

I wonder sometimes, how much is too much to share on here, or to share with people.

I want to use my better judgment, but I also feel like I need to share.

Life it seems, gets hard, and then it gets harder.

I try to keep a quote from The Dark Knight in my mind at all times.

“The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.”

Happy moment of the day, is that my TOMS Documentary in the mail!!