Monday, October 13, 2008
PRAY HARD
Friday, October 10, 2008
Day 14: God is good.
Blogging will be late
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Day 13:Spite and Hatred are bitter pills to swallow.
Its been a rough week, I’m glad tomorrow is Friday. The sign that the week is over, and I get to start again.
I was confronted with the thing I fear most yesterday. I’m glad that I saw him from a distance, and it wasn’t confrontational, nor do I think he actually SAW me. I’m also proud of myself that I didn’t freak out.
I was talking to my mom today, and she said a lot of hard things. I think that’s what it takes sometimes, someone who loves you, smacking you over the head, and saying “You shouldn’t think that way…. You need to fix this…”
So told me a lot of good things, She told me that I need to change my perception of Beauty. And its true, if I don’t love me, then I can’t expect anyone else to love me. As much as it might hurt, I have to learn to trust again.
I did some studying this morning, and looked up Spite and Hatred, I found some pretty profound stuff. The Definition of Spite is “Ill will or hatred toward another accompanied with the disposition to irritate or annoy.”
“The minute you begin hating someone, you become his slave. Hatred holds you captive and robs you of peace of mind, and your time is spent recounting unpleasant situations. Your enemy consumes your every waking moment, and hatred holds your mind hostage.”
I have been thinking about a story Doug told at Roots. From the Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis. Doug told us about the boy names Eustace in the story.
Through a series of events, the children find themselves in Narnia once again and on a voyage to the end of the world. They are in a huge galleon with the king of Narnia and are travelling into uncharted territories in search of missing noblemen. On one particular island, the crew of the Dawn Treader are exploring in search of supplies to repair their ship, which was unfortunately attacked by a giant sea monster.
Eustace, being the jerk that he is, wanders off on his own, not wanting to do any work. He walks around in the jungle, mumbling and grumbling horrible things about his cousins, the king, and other various crew members. Before long he stumbles upon the edge of a small cliff and sees a small pond nearby. There is also a small cave, and a terrible dragon is making it's way outside towards the water. Eustace is terrified. He stays perfectly still and watches the dragon die a horrible death.Eustace, still scared stiff, doesn't move for quite a while. He finally works up the nerve to descend the small cliff and make his way to the pool and cave. He enters the cave and is surprised to be met by more gold then he could ever imagine! He celebrates his new found wealth and ends up falling asleep on one of the piles of gold.
Without getting into the next scene, which is pretty suspensful, Eustace wakes up to discover he has turned into a dragon!Eustace spends some time upset and angry and terrified at his new fate. He makes his way back to the camp only to be met with fear from his shipmates. As time goes on, Eustace realizes that he was turned into what he already was. He was a beast on the inside and the magic of the island made him a beast on the outside. He learns from the error of his mistakes and the crew begins to see a change in his character. He is helping gather supplies and does more then his share in repairing the ship.Then the night comes where he meets Aslan.
He is wandering through the jungle and comes upon the pool once more. Standing near the pool is the mighty lion, Aslan, who represents Christt in the series. He tells Eustace to shed his skin. So Eustace does. He takes his massive claws and digs into his scales and peels off a layer of skin. Proud of himself, he looks to Aslan. Aslan looks back and says, "That is not enough. You must dig deeper."So Eustace digs deeper. He digs till it hurts. And yet still Aslan says, "No. You must dig deeper."
He digs. Not enough. He digs deeper. Still not enough. Eustace can no longer take the pain. And yet still it is not deep enough.
Finally Aslan looks at him, love in his eyes, and tells him, "I will do it." His huge, imposing claws dig deeper than Eustace could ever possibly do or even imagine. He strips Eustace to the core. To the bone. Aslan then asks him to bathe himself in the pool. He submerges into the water and resurfaces as a human once again.”[1]
Hatred will turn you into someone you don’t want to be, and I am working on shedding this skin of spite and hatred.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Day 12: My New Love.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Day 11: You Gotta Swim. Swim when it Hurts.
The weather seems to fit my mood today.
Its been rainy, dreary and Dark. Just one of those blah days.
This is not version one of today’s blog, the first one was a mess, and was filled with a lot of hurting, this one, not so much.
I am having a very hard time being home from Cocoa, and have been really depressed for the past week.
I sent a text to Hannah earlier, and asked her (paraphrasing) “Am I a bad person if I have the overwhelming urge to rid myself of all things that remind me of them?”
I am thankful for friends like Hannah, who understand and don’t judge, but in their own little ways show me Christ. Saying, “Its okay to feel hurt, I know you and I love you anyways.”
Hannah just text me something I will never forget.
I told her she is too good to me.
Hannah in all of her loveliness, wrote me back these words.
“No, I treat you how you deserve to be treated.”
She gives me hope, that there are still people out there who care for the broken hearted.
I am constantly reminded that there is so much to fight for, I’m glad for these reminders, and to someone, some where, I hope I am a reminder.
“You gotta swim, Swim when it hurts .The whole world is watching You haven't come this far To fall off the earth…. I swim to brighter days, despite the absence of sun… You gotta swim, Swim in the dark… Just keep your head above.”
Monday, October 6, 2008
Day 10: Its deep and its Dark, and sometimes broken. Part. 1
I went and saw The Dark Knight (again) with my mom, sister, and Aunt. I love the movie, in many different ways. It has some of my favorite actors in it, and it reminds me to be true to myself, and not get lost in “The Act” When I say “The Act” I’m talking about how sometimes we get caught up in who we are trying to be, that we forget who we are, or who we ever were.
I wonder sometimes, how much is too much to share on here, or to share with people.
I want to use my better judgment, but I also feel like I need to share.
Life it seems, gets hard, and then it gets harder.
I try to keep a quote from The Dark Knight in my mind at all times.
“The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.”
Happy moment of the day, is that my TOMS Documentary in the mail!!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Day 9: Play, Laugh, Grow.
Just got back from Kevin’s Surprise Birthday party, and it was a lot of fun. I haven’t been to a party in forever so it was fun getting to hang out and get to know people from Roots better.
This Balloon is Amazing!
We were decorating, and Mary mixed her breath and helium together, and it was AMAZING. It was like a zero gravity balloon! I wish I could have taken a video of it, it was beyond words!
I am so excited to get to know the people from Roots better. It’s been so long since I’ve had REAL friends and people I could trust and talk to. It takes a lot of work, and It’s nerve racking, but also a lot of fun.
I also wanted to say a big thanks to Maddy for texting with me last night. I needed you and you were there for me. Thanks my Love! Leaving and the reasons going to Cocoa and coming back and the feelings and hurts there has been really hard, but that’s another Blog. Thanks for being there for me!
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Day 8: Daddy here I am again, would you take me back tonight.
They remind me of lighthouses, how they guide people home, when they are lost in darkness. I like to think about the Prodigal son in the bible. I imagine the story in a bible times/Laura Ingalls Wilder type setting. I Imagine that after his son left, the father would wait up later than normal each night, waiting and watching for his sons return. Then when he went to bed each night, he would light a lamp and stick it in the window, to shine a light to show his son the way home. I think of how God does this for us, making sure we can find our way home, when we are lost and in darkness.
At church tonight, they sang a song called “Gratitude”
I love the lyrics to this song, and each time I hear it, it humbles me. As children we are taught that God will provide, and then (I feel) we continue to try and rely on ourselves, and then get angry with God because he hasn’t given us what we want. I try to constantly remind myself that it is GOD’S plan, not Mine that is best. God only has three answers. Yes, No, and Not yet.
That is why these lyrics speak into my heart.
God will provide, maybe not in the way we want, but he WILL provide us with the things we need.
I have to go make cake now… I already have a subject for tomorrow… now to find the perfect picture!
Friday, October 3, 2008
Day 7: Let the Good times roll.
So I figured what the heck! What are some little known facts about you? Comment me! They can be funny or serious, or just plain old dorky.
Here two of mine:
1) I refuse to eat popcorn out of the microwave bag. I hate how it feels…Eww!
2) I have a love/hate relationship with Libraries. I currently have no library card… and neither does anyone else in my family, because of my library fines.
P.S. I SWEAR my Grandpa looks like Elvis!!