This week I had some hard, but very joyful conversation. The hardest one came from a very deep place of pain as well as shame, and I realized something from my friends (many of them) I love you means when you hurt I hurt. Friends want to be with you in your mess. and that one of the reasons i don't see God, is because I havent been looking for him. (and Crispers has magical honesty/truth serum powers!)
These verses have been speaking to me this week:
Psalm 18:16-24 - 16-19 But me he caught—reached all the way
from sky to sea; he pulled me out
Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos,
the void in which I was drowning.
They hit me when I was down,
but God stuck by me.
He stood me up on a wide-open field;
I stood there saved—surprised to be loved!
20-24 God made my life complete
when I placed all the pieces before him.
When I got my act together,
he gave me a fresh start.
Now I'm alert to God's ways;
I don't take God for granted.
Every day I review the ways he works;
I try not to miss a trick.
I feel put back together,
and I'm watching my step.
God rewrote the text of my life
when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.
and these verses occured to me to be a great giving up all your mess passage:
Isaiah 35:4-10
Tell fearful souls,
"Courage! Take heart!
God is here, right here,
on his way to put things right
And redress all wrongs.
He's on his way! He'll save you!"
5-7Blind eyes will be opened,
deaf ears unstopped,
Lame men and women will leap like deer,
the voiceless break into song.
Springs of water will burst out in the wilderness,
streams flow in the desert.
Hot sands will become a cool oasis,
thirsty ground a splashing fountain.
Even lowly jackals will have water to drink,
and barren grasslands flourish richly.
8-10There will be a highway
called the Holy Road.
No one rude or rebellious
is permitted on this road.
It's for God's people exclusively—
impossible to get lost on this road.
Not even fools can get lost on it.
No lions on this road,
no dangerous wild animals—
Nothing and no one dangerous or threatening.
Only the redeemed will walk on it.
The people God has ransomed
will come back on this road.
They'll sing as they make their way home to Zion,
unfading halos of joy encircling their heads,
Welcomed home with gifts of joy and gladness
as all sorrows and sighs scurry into the night.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Ask hard questions
As well as funny ones...
Its been rolling around my head, and therefore bothering me quite a bit lately on what I actually believe about God and Jesus as well as faith in of itself. Or any faith for that matter. Reading velvet Elvis has encouraged me to ask hard questions, there is nothing wrong with asking! I don't Want to believe because I'm "supposed to" I want passionate faith and I'm trying to figure out how to at least get started. I figured this would be an interesting way to see what others believe in, lol and see a good mix of what ppl around me believe. These questions are meant for believers and non believers, and as what God does for you, and how he impacts you. Individually.
i don't really understand God, nor do I think I ever will, and that whole trinity thing throws me off, so let's pretend that Jesus and God are 2 separate ppl but can hear each others thoughts. Always knowing what is going on with the other.
I'm going to answer these questions as well, and tag some ppl when I have internet access again. Until then its just me and the blackberry.
Let's get started:
Why do you believe in God?
Who is God?
Why do you believe in Jesus?
Who is Jesus?
What is god's character?
What is jesus' character?
If you had to assign God a physical body as someone in pop culture, who would it be ?
If you had to assign Jesus a physical body as someone in pop culture, who would it be ?
What do you think of this quote "but God doesn't need to tell us what to do at each fork in the road. He already revealed his plan in our lives: to love him with our whole hearts. To obey his word, and after that to do what we like"?
What exactly do you think of the do what we like part?
What does it mean to love God with your whole heart?
How do you love God with your whole heart?
If you could give up one day of life to spend an hour with some one that died, who would it be? What would you do?
Do you take the bible literally?
How do you decide what part is applicable and what isn't?
How is this not picking what you like and throwing out what you don't?
Do you ever feel like not praying when you feel stuck?
What do you do instead?
When do you seem to struggle in faith?
How do you overcome it?
Is God always the answer?
What if sometimes God isn't the answer?
What verses, books, quotes have helped you develop tie faith?
Are faith and passion the same thing?
When you imagined the voice of God, whose/whom voice do you imagine?
When you imagined the voice of Jesus, whose/whom voice do you imagine?
How do you get to know God?
How did you get to know God?
Did you "look into" any other religions other than the one you are currently in now?
Who is more important God or Jesus? Why? You can only pick one!
Is one more important?
What is heaven like?
Do you think we all get our own like customized heaven?
What would yours be like?
What is hell like?
Do you think hell would be customized?
What would yours be like?
What do you think about God having a plan for your life?
Do you feel like he will give you turn by turn directions?
If you could ask God anything and he would give you a the correct answer, what would it be and why?
Why do some people not feel gods presence?
Do you think that feeling disconnected from God is always our fault? Is God ever to blame?
If you don't believe in God what do you believe?
What do you use as your morality meter? Ie ten commandments, karma, etc.
Who/ how do you see God ?
Who or how do you see Jesus?
Do you think its possible to believe in an all loving Jesus, but a hands off God?
What do you think is a necessity in faith? Ie what do you HAVE TO believe?
That's all I have for now, this will be a growing list
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Good stuff
God is not a vending machine you don't put in a prayer and pull out a prize
Also bee thinking and discussing the concept of isolation vs. Solitude.
Monday, October 5, 2009
I am Wholly Yours
All my baggage. All my pain. All my sin: shame, lust, pride, lies, deceit, Judment, selfishness. I’m leaving it here. I’m placing it at your feet. I’m leaving it here. I need your help. I’m going to want to pick it back up. But I know you love me enough! That it’s okay for me to let it go. For me to be free. – Here I am. All of me. Finally. Everything. Wholly. Wholly. Wholly. I am Wholly. Wholly. Wholly. I am Wholly. Wholly. Wholly. Yours. I am Wholly yours.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
I and Love and You
This made me smile.
"The words "I" and "Love" and "You" are the watermark of humanity. Strung together, they convey our deepest sense of humility, of power, of truth. It is our most common sentiment, even as the feeling of it is so infinitely uncommon: each to proclaim these three words with his or her very own heart and mindset of reason (or lack thereof); a proclamation completely and perfectly new each time it is offered. Uttered daily and nightly by millions, the words are said in an unending array of circumstances : whispered to a newborn in a mothers arms; shared between best friends on the playground; in the form of sympathy - said by a girl to a boy, as the respect continues but the relationship does not. It is said too loudly by parents to embarrassed children in the company of their friends, and by grown children - to their fading parents in hospital beds. The words are thought in the company of the photograph and said in the company of the gravestone. It is how we end our phone calls and our letters... the words at the bottom of the page that trump all those above it, a way to gracefully finish a message, however important or trivial, with the most meaningful gift of all : the communication of love. And yet the words themselves have been the victims of triviality, a ready replacement for lesser salutations among near strangers, burst forth casually as "love ya." Truly? To what degree? Why, how much, and for how long? These are questions befitting of the stature of love, though not the everyday banter of vague acquaintance. The words have also been twisted by the dark nature of deceit : To say "I love you" with a dramatic measure of synthetic emotion; a snare set by those who prey upon fellow humanity, driven to whatever selfish end, to gain access to another's body, or their money, or their opportunity. In this realm, the proclamation is disgraced by one seeking to gain rather than to give. In any case, and by whatever inspiration, these words are woven deeply in to the fibers of our existence. Our longing to hear them from the right place is maddeningly and simultaneously our finest strength and our most gentle weakness.The album "I and Love and You" is unashamedly defined by such a dynamic of duality. As living people, we are bound by this unavoidable parallel. We are powerful yet weak, capable yet temporary. Inevitably, an attempt to place honesty within an artistic avenue will follow suit. This is a piece which shows us as we are : products of love surrounded by struggle. The music herein is, in many ways, readable as both a milestone and an arrival. A chapter in the story of young men, it bridges the space between the uncertainty of youth and the reality of it's release. The record is full with the quality of the question and response. As far as questions go, there are plenty-normally residing within the tone and delivery of the lyrics themselves, which, ironically, are sung with so much confidence. Among songs and thoughts so driven and purposeful, the most basic relatable doubt comes through with a resounding clarity. Outside of the eternal theme of romantic love, the album speaks thankfully upon a landscape of light-filled rooms, word-filled pages, time machines, forgiveness, singing birds, ocean waves, art ,change, confessions of shortcomings, and reasons to continue on. Hope and a cause for smiling follow naturally. In the midst of all this, there are allusions to the less-than-ideal conditions of life : the loss of memory, the inability to control temper, insecurity, indecision, jaded indifference, and the general plague of former and current weakness. "I and Love and You" is an album of obvious human creation, characterized by it's best and it's worst. Emotional imperfection is a reality for those who recorded the piece, just as it is for those who will hear it. The conclusion of the song from which the title is taken admits that the words "I love you" have become "hard to say". And perhaps that difficulty is as common as it's counterpart. Perhaps the inability to say these heaviest of words is as much a part of life as the lighthearted candor of those who say them without any difficulty at all. And so it ends with the phrase whispered to and by those of us most defeated and most elated... I and love and you..."
- The Avett Brothers
"The words "I" and "Love" and "You" are the watermark of humanity. Strung together, they convey our deepest sense of humility, of power, of truth. It is our most common sentiment, even as the feeling of it is so infinitely uncommon: each to proclaim these three words with his or her very own heart and mindset of reason (or lack thereof); a proclamation completely and perfectly new each time it is offered. Uttered daily and nightly by millions, the words are said in an unending array of circumstances : whispered to a newborn in a mothers arms; shared between best friends on the playground; in the form of sympathy - said by a girl to a boy, as the respect continues but the relationship does not. It is said too loudly by parents to embarrassed children in the company of their friends, and by grown children - to their fading parents in hospital beds. The words are thought in the company of the photograph and said in the company of the gravestone. It is how we end our phone calls and our letters... the words at the bottom of the page that trump all those above it, a way to gracefully finish a message, however important or trivial, with the most meaningful gift of all : the communication of love. And yet the words themselves have been the victims of triviality, a ready replacement for lesser salutations among near strangers, burst forth casually as "love ya." Truly? To what degree? Why, how much, and for how long? These are questions befitting of the stature of love, though not the everyday banter of vague acquaintance. The words have also been twisted by the dark nature of deceit : To say "I love you" with a dramatic measure of synthetic emotion; a snare set by those who prey upon fellow humanity, driven to whatever selfish end, to gain access to another's body, or their money, or their opportunity. In this realm, the proclamation is disgraced by one seeking to gain rather than to give. In any case, and by whatever inspiration, these words are woven deeply in to the fibers of our existence. Our longing to hear them from the right place is maddeningly and simultaneously our finest strength and our most gentle weakness.The album "I and Love and You" is unashamedly defined by such a dynamic of duality. As living people, we are bound by this unavoidable parallel. We are powerful yet weak, capable yet temporary. Inevitably, an attempt to place honesty within an artistic avenue will follow suit. This is a piece which shows us as we are : products of love surrounded by struggle. The music herein is, in many ways, readable as both a milestone and an arrival. A chapter in the story of young men, it bridges the space between the uncertainty of youth and the reality of it's release. The record is full with the quality of the question and response. As far as questions go, there are plenty-normally residing within the tone and delivery of the lyrics themselves, which, ironically, are sung with so much confidence. Among songs and thoughts so driven and purposeful, the most basic relatable doubt comes through with a resounding clarity. Outside of the eternal theme of romantic love, the album speaks thankfully upon a landscape of light-filled rooms, word-filled pages, time machines, forgiveness, singing birds, ocean waves, art ,change, confessions of shortcomings, and reasons to continue on. Hope and a cause for smiling follow naturally. In the midst of all this, there are allusions to the less-than-ideal conditions of life : the loss of memory, the inability to control temper, insecurity, indecision, jaded indifference, and the general plague of former and current weakness. "I and Love and You" is an album of obvious human creation, characterized by it's best and it's worst. Emotional imperfection is a reality for those who recorded the piece, just as it is for those who will hear it. The conclusion of the song from which the title is taken admits that the words "I love you" have become "hard to say". And perhaps that difficulty is as common as it's counterpart. Perhaps the inability to say these heaviest of words is as much a part of life as the lighthearted candor of those who say them without any difficulty at all. And so it ends with the phrase whispered to and by those of us most defeated and most elated... I and love and you..."
- The Avett Brothers
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Rabbi
When things get hard, or more accurately tragedy strikes, I tend to want to scream at God "Why did you let this happen...How dare you... what kind of God are you..etc..." Today i am reminded that I mess up everyday, minute by minute, unintentionally and intentionally, but God loves me all the same. Sometimes I want to say "God you should have done this differently!" Like when I hear that a young pregnant girl and her baby are killed in a car accident,or today when i heard that a Child murderer died of natural causes, and a 16 year old boy who is friends with someone at my church has died. I want to say “um excuse me… *tap tap* What were you THINKING!”
But I know for myself that if I were God, if I had the ENORMOUS responsibility to keep the world going ‘round that I would suck at it! Epic Fail! But I also think about what I really want in the times I want to scream at God, and I think this story describes it best!
"One day a rabbi stood on a hill overlooking a certain city. The rabbi watched in horror as a band of Cossacks on horseback suddenly attacked the town, killing innocent men, women and children. Some of the slaughtered were his own disciples. Looking up to heaven the rabbi exclaimed: “Oh, only if I were God.” An astonished student, standing nearby, asked, “but, Master if you were God, what would you do differently?” The rabbi replied: “If I were God I would do nothing differently. If I were God I would understand.” - Joanna Laufer and Kenneth S. Lewis in Inspired
But I know for myself that if I were God, if I had the ENORMOUS responsibility to keep the world going ‘round that I would suck at it! Epic Fail! But I also think about what I really want in the times I want to scream at God, and I think this story describes it best!
"One day a rabbi stood on a hill overlooking a certain city. The rabbi watched in horror as a band of Cossacks on horseback suddenly attacked the town, killing innocent men, women and children. Some of the slaughtered were his own disciples. Looking up to heaven the rabbi exclaimed: “Oh, only if I were God.” An astonished student, standing nearby, asked, “but, Master if you were God, what would you do differently?” The rabbi replied: “If I were God I would do nothing differently. If I were God I would understand.” - Joanna Laufer and Kenneth S. Lewis in Inspired
Sunday, September 20, 2009
God open our ears, and shut our mouths!!!!
"There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves."
— Albert Guinon
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
— Winston Churchill
*When I say “we” in this blog, I am also including myself, I am just as guilty as everyone else*
I have been struggling with this lately. I feel like everyone is so focused on saying the “right thing” or the thing that we think the person who is speaking “wants to hear.”
I don’t know if I feel conviction or just anger. When did we become so lazy, that we cannot simply be still and silent and listen to someone who is trying to share their problems?
This week I have had this overwhelming feeling of discontentment, as well as hurt and shame.
When did we become so lazy as to be so focused on our own lives that we cannot reach out to those who are hurting? We say we are too busy, too tired, or that we will do it later, or people are too much work/ to high maintenance. The truth is (whether we want to admit it or not) we are too lazy. Most of the time we don’t take the time to listen in the first place, nor do we take the time to follow up.
God this week open my ears and shut my mouth. Make me a listener and a friend. Give me a heart of Compassion and Love. Help me to be more authentic and honest. Make me a lover!
— Albert Guinon
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
— Winston Churchill
*When I say “we” in this blog, I am also including myself, I am just as guilty as everyone else*
I have been struggling with this lately. I feel like everyone is so focused on saying the “right thing” or the thing that we think the person who is speaking “wants to hear.”
I don’t know if I feel conviction or just anger. When did we become so lazy, that we cannot simply be still and silent and listen to someone who is trying to share their problems?
This week I have had this overwhelming feeling of discontentment, as well as hurt and shame.
When did we become so lazy as to be so focused on our own lives that we cannot reach out to those who are hurting? We say we are too busy, too tired, or that we will do it later, or people are too much work/ to high maintenance. The truth is (whether we want to admit it or not) we are too lazy. Most of the time we don’t take the time to listen in the first place, nor do we take the time to follow up.
God this week open my ears and shut my mouth. Make me a listener and a friend. Give me a heart of Compassion and Love. Help me to be more authentic and honest. Make me a lover!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Hmmm.....
most honesty gives birth to negativity" been chewing on this today. Do we over use the concept of openness and honesty? By saying we are just being honest, are we giving ourselves permission to be negative?
Monday, September 14, 2009
I love pomegranates
They are my favorite fruit. But the thing about pomegranates is that
They carry a multitude of disadvantages to the person eating them.
Pomegranates are MESSY! The pomegranate juice will permanently stain
Your clothes, your fingers usually remain dyed for a few days, and the
Process of removing the tiny seeds of fruit can be tedious. It usually
Involves 2 bowls, a sharp steak knife, a dishtowel, and a trash can.
Only after you have done A LOT of work do you get to enjoy it.
But this makes me think of my growth spiritually. It is Messy! And it
Takes a lot of work. Your hands get dirty, and like the stains, your
Life is forever changed.
This week I’ve learned that this journey is going to messy and hard.
Your feelings are going to get hurt. You’re going to have to put
Yourself in vulnerable places, you will have to eat crow, meet with
People who you don’t get along with easily or who hurt your feelings and do your best to treat
Others as yourself.
This week is hard for me, this season is hard, but I am going to do my best. This week I’m committed to being open and honest. I’m committed over all to having a better attitude.
They carry a multitude of disadvantages to the person eating them.
Pomegranates are MESSY! The pomegranate juice will permanently stain
Your clothes, your fingers usually remain dyed for a few days, and the
Process of removing the tiny seeds of fruit can be tedious. It usually
Involves 2 bowls, a sharp steak knife, a dishtowel, and a trash can.
Only after you have done A LOT of work do you get to enjoy it.
But this makes me think of my growth spiritually. It is Messy! And it
Takes a lot of work. Your hands get dirty, and like the stains, your
Life is forever changed.
This week I’ve learned that this journey is going to messy and hard.
Your feelings are going to get hurt. You’re going to have to put
Yourself in vulnerable places, you will have to eat crow, meet with
People who you don’t get along with easily or who hurt your feelings and do your best to treat
Others as yourself.
This week is hard for me, this season is hard, but I am going to do my best. This week I’m committed to being open and honest. I’m committed over all to having a better attitude.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Are we asking the right questions?
I have been saved many a time by people asking not "How are you?" but by asking "Are you Happy." People may not think so, but simple conversations matter.
I had a convo with mike today that I've needed to have for awhile now. I feel extremely discontent with school, and I don't know how to explain it other than the fact that I LOVE school, but this semester I feel extreme discomfort, and really don't feel like I am called nor want to be there. I was telling mike that I feel like I need to have a "back up plan" I don't feel like i have a "Direction" in my life, and I've never felt like I've had a professional calling in life. I want to be a wife and mom and just be there as a friend to people and encourage them. I feel like this "back up plan" is sinful, its like saying to God my way is beeter. But how do I know that school isn't God's plan? I'm not paying for it, so I don't know that this isn't God's provision?
I feel like there is/will be a stigma about not being college educated, yet there is so much I want to do, or feel like I could do, that God is calling me to, if I weren't in school. and Maybe it just has to do with the "fear" of what others think (and talking about this with my advisors at school)
James 1:5-6 - If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. - I believe that God will give me the answers, and I trust him, I just need some guidance.
I need guidance and wisdom and to surround myself with Godly people, and any practical advice I could get would be appreciated. :]
I want to honor God, and I don't want it to be all about me. I don't want to be a "I" person. I want to lift others up.
God, I want to honor you and I trust in you. God help me not to get caught up in pleasing you, rather than trusting you.
I had a convo with mike today that I've needed to have for awhile now. I feel extremely discontent with school, and I don't know how to explain it other than the fact that I LOVE school, but this semester I feel extreme discomfort, and really don't feel like I am called nor want to be there. I was telling mike that I feel like I need to have a "back up plan" I don't feel like i have a "Direction" in my life, and I've never felt like I've had a professional calling in life. I want to be a wife and mom and just be there as a friend to people and encourage them. I feel like this "back up plan" is sinful, its like saying to God my way is beeter. But how do I know that school isn't God's plan? I'm not paying for it, so I don't know that this isn't God's provision?
I feel like there is/will be a stigma about not being college educated, yet there is so much I want to do, or feel like I could do, that God is calling me to, if I weren't in school. and Maybe it just has to do with the "fear" of what others think (and talking about this with my advisors at school)
James 1:5-6 - If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. - I believe that God will give me the answers, and I trust him, I just need some guidance.
I need guidance and wisdom and to surround myself with Godly people, and any practical advice I could get would be appreciated. :]
I want to honor God, and I don't want it to be all about me. I don't want to be a "I" person. I want to lift others up.
God, I want to honor you and I trust in you. God help me not to get caught up in pleasing you, rather than trusting you.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Random musings, I feel down tonight
Today is one of those days that I just want to cry out to God, to sit across from him drinking tea and cry on his shoulder.
I want to learn to how to let go, and I feel like I'm beginning to let people in, but Let me tell you, It is really freaking scary!
Pray for me as I continue on my journey, working on my relationships, and continuing to fight my way thorough the sand. I am reflecting on this verse, and the following quote I I found on Rachel's Blog
"Delight yourself in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. ~ Psalm 37:4,5"
"you are a victim of the rules you live by"
I want to learn to how to let go, and I feel like I'm beginning to let people in, but Let me tell you, It is really freaking scary!
Pray for me as I continue on my journey, working on my relationships, and continuing to fight my way thorough the sand. I am reflecting on this verse, and the following quote I I found on Rachel's Blog
"Delight yourself in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. ~ Psalm 37:4,5"
"you are a victim of the rules you live by"
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Hoping to rejoin the blogging bandwagon!
Found this verse today, and it speaks to my heart:
Proverbs 4:23 ~ Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Proverbs 4:23 ~ Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
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